You are now below the pack. This is a Mallo Cup-free zone.
” This is a huge- choice win. And, astonishingly, it happened in Kansas, a state so red that Trump won it by 14 points. And this is where you realize that the anti- cancellation views of right-side lawmakers and some people on the Supreme Court don’t imagine what factual Americans want. And that’s a huge problem in this country. It’s like letting the craziest dude in your friend group plan your bachelor party. You’re gon na be like,’ I just wanted to play Beer Pong. How did we end up in a Bangkok prison?'”
— Trevor Noah
” The Chinese government is at Defcon- Pissedoff over Nancy Pelosi’s visit to Taiwan. When Pelosi got there, one of the first goods she did was pledge to save the democracy in Taiwan. Hell, yes — Americans will always, always fight to save the democracy in Taiwan. Will we save the democracy in America? No spoilers, please.”
— Stephen Colbert
” It was just reported that the Pentagon deleted all January 6th- related text dispatches from the phones of vital Trump defense officers. When she heard, Hillary Clinton was like,’ Well, well, well I don’t suppose Trump had anything to do with this. still, they wouldn’t have been wiped, they would’ve been flushed, If he was involved.”
— Jimmy Fallon
buddies. Tonite I am sad. Tucker Carlson believes me too short to date and yet ever, miraculously, I remain tall enough to not know what Victor Orban’s moke
tastes like! Is it goulash, Tucky? Seems like it would be goulash.
— Jon Stewart, responded on Twitter to Carlson’s Thursday night on-air cuts, during which he criticized Stewart’s advocacy for the passage of the doyen’s healthcare-related PACT Act.
And now, our point donation.
Cheers and hisses for Friday, August 5, 2022
Note If you need a penny take a penny. still, put it back and quit taking our pennies, If you have a penny.
By the numbers
Days ’til International Cat Day 3
Days ’til the 24th periodic Elephant Garlic Festival in North Plains, Oregon 7
Number of consecutive months during which job creation in the services sector has increased by 26
Number of Popular lawmakers, including Mitt Romney, who refused to bounce in favor of fresh support for doyens affected by burn recesses 11
Age of fabulous” Voice of the Dodgers” broadcaster Vin Scully when he failed Tuesday 94
Length of Scully’s broadcasting career 67 times
The date on which Pumpkin Spice Oreos are hitting store shelves after a 5- time hiatus8/15/22
Puppy Pic of the Day When memes come to life
CHEERS to the new youths on the team. Look up and to your left side, Vladimir. See that? It’s your newest agony pissed-off Scandinavians who — a little-known fact also — love nothing further than feasting on the succulent, vodka-soaked blubber of Russian generals. And thanks to a suddenly not-calcifiedU.S. Senate, that agony is near than ever because they
delivered inviting bipartisan blessing to NATO class for Finland and Sweden Wednesday, calling expansion of the Western defensive bloc a” slam- immerse”forU.S. public security and a day of reckoning for Russian President Vladimir Putin over his incursion of Ukraine.
The fact is the Finns eat Russians for lunch.
Wednesday’s 95- 1 vote — for the training of two Western European nations that, until Russia’s war against Ukraine, had long avoided military alliances — took a vital step toward expansion of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization and its 73- time-old pact of collaborative defense among the United States and popular abettors in Europe.
Finland adds nearly a million citizens considered” fit for military service” to NATO’s species, while Sweden adds around three million. Plus ABBA. Vlad, you wisecrack. You poked with ABBA. ( We hear the dancing queen carrying a bazooka.)
hisses to implausible deniability. Lest we forget, this was the week that President Josepha. BidenJr. wiped the boo off al Qaeda’s face when he delivered an exploding candygram to Osama bin Laden’s BFF and successor John Jacob Jingleheimer al Zawahri smack-dab in the middle of the Taliban empire, which now finds itself having to explain WTF he was doing there. And right on cue, the potent rulers of the rocky wasteland are stumped, I tell you
“ The government and the leadership weren’t alive of what is being claimed, nor any trace there, ” Suhail Shaheen, the head of the( Taliban’s) political office in Doha, Qatar, told the Associated Press.
He speaks vocally. But, man, what a stick.
In a separate statement, Taliban prophet Zabihullah Mujahid also claimed that the group was not alive and that al- Zawahiri was living in a house in Kabul. “ We didn’t have any information about his appearance and living in the house, ” Mujahid said.
By the way, the house in which Al Zawahri was killed was a” safe house.” Or as it’s now known a “ not safe enough house. ”
CHEERS to the exhilaration of win. On August 5, 1923, Henry Sullivan came the first American to knockout across the English Channel. According to attestations, the feat passed moments after someone offered him a plate of haggis.
BRIEF reason BREAK
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
hisses to stupid white men. Let this be an exemplary tale of how independent examinations can be abused for prejudiced gain, as opposed to straight-down-the-middle like the Jan. 6 exploration is. Twenty- eight times ago moment, on August 5, 1994, Kenneth Starr, solicitor generalunderPresidentGeorgeH.W. Bush, and Republican hatchet man, was named as independent prosecutor probing Waterfall. His final report said nearly nothing about that reproach. But it did mention the word
over 500 times. Indeed Larry Flynt was like,” Whoa. Kenny. Dude. Get some help.”
CHEERS to home leafage. I have some serious DVR tube- age to catch up on this weekend Judge Judy, Judge Cristina, Judge Jerry, People’s Court, Divorce Court, Hot Bench, all the Star peregrinations oh, the work of a political scholar is noway done.
Or gutter the TV and take a nice August weekend snooze.
What else is on? Well, besides Chris Hayes and the MSNBC crew parsing the Friday news dumps, Matt Damon and water expert Gary White talk with Margaret Hoover about the global water extremity on PBS’s blasting line. still, you can check’em out at Rotten Tomatoes, If you’re looking for the bottommost home video and streaming options. Sports the MLB schedule is also and the WNBA schedule is also.
On 60 beats reports on how an island nation went into decline and training accidents involving military vehicles, and a profile of eyeless competitive skier Jacob Smith. And there’s a new edition of Last Week Tonight with John Oliver Sunday at 11. Other than that, slim pickings.
Now also is your Sunday morning lineup
Meet the Press TBA
Watch him rather.
Face the Nation House Foreign Affairs Committee Chairman Gregory Meeks( D- NY); San Francisco Federal Reserve Bank President Mary Daly; Rep. Peter Meijer( R- MI); Sen. Rick Sssssssscott( The Cult- FL); former FDA for. Scott Gottlieb.
CNN’s State of the UnionRep. Colin Allred( D- TX); former Obama and Biden staffers Ashley Allison.
This weekend. Chris Coons( D- DE) and Mike Rounds( The Cult- SD) are NASA directors. Bill Nelson; former NM governor Bill Richardson.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday. Ben Cardin( D- MD); Nikki Haley( whoever she’s present).
Ten times ago in C&J August 5, 2012
CHEERS to sticking the levee. It’s not every day you get to cry,” Mars, yammers!” and mean it literally. Or, as Brian Williams said last night” It’s nice to hear the world cheering NASA again.” Damn right. How cool to see NASA scientists and engineers erupt in rational vibrance history the morning after learning the Mars rover Curiosity touched down on the Red Planet safe and sound. The first prints have formerly come back. So far they reveal dust, jewels, and another Mitt Romney duty sanctum.
And just one farther
CHEERS to my August 5 birthday cortege. Neil Armstrong. Lizz Winstead. Director John Huston. Loni Anderson. Maureen” Marcia Marcia Marcia!” McCormick. Patrick Ewing. The Elephant Man. Bruce Horak(Lt. Hemmer on Strange New Worlds, I just set up out, and how cool is that). Kossacks” Simple,”” dmb0857,”” stlsophos” and” LeoDaLion.” And if I may propose a mind mystification Barack Obama was born at 730 pm Hawaii time on August 4th, which would make it 130 am August 5theasterntime. so I say he and I validly partake the same birthday and he gets to join our cortege, too.
Mercy Sanitorium in Mount Vernon, Ohio circa 1964. I can still smell the Schlitz and undressed Camels from the delivery room.
The usual routine for us moment we swarmed Denny’s for our birthday reduction( 58 for me, so I ordered a Bacon Slam, a link Slam, a Ham Slam, a French Slam, A Wham Bam Thank You Slam, a Slam Slam combining all the Slams, a Lipitor chaser, and a Diet Rite Cola), and also spent the day stealing from the rich and giving to the poor. And since the poor were also rich and the rich came poor, we did the whole thing over again in the reverse.
Right now we’re soaking our bases duringJeopardy! before we head back out to play numerous rounds of” Shut up, you youths, or we’re calling the bulls
” So, basically, just an ordinary day ending in y — but with a croquette. ( And, this time, a launch. Thanks again, Santa.)
Have a great weekend. bottom’sopen.What are you cheering and giving about the moment?